The picture for this blog is of me when I was 24. I had a two year old child. I thought I was fat. Seeing these pictures now, dear God I was thin, so thin, but I remember that day well. My friend at the time, Heather McFarlane, took the pictures. I was so self-conscious. This...is having body distortion issues. Barbie didn’t help.

My weight has always been an issue for me, and it shouldn’t have been. In 4th grade, some stupid male told me I was fat when I was nine years old. Then a few years later, at age 13, I was told by a family member I was getting a fat ass and a double chin. OK, I may have had a few extra pounds but by no means did I think I was fat.

I didn’t take the criticism well.

These comments have always stayed with me. Always. Still. My body image is completely distorted. I thought I was fat at 5’3 and 112 pounds. That’s what words do to you.

In 1980, bulimia wasn’t really a word we knew. Besides the fact that I was a sheltered kid, information beyond what I learned from Little House on the Prairie and After School Specials was beyond my comprehension.

So I started sticking my finger down my throat.

At our dinner table, you finished your plate...no...matter....what. I always felt so full after eating, puking seemed like an easy fix. That way I could finish dinner, puke and get dessert. Dessert was the bribe for eating dinner. “Finish your dinner and you’ll get dessert”. How many of you heard that in your household? I did.

Parents don’t get kids and eating habits.

So many parents still pull the dinner/dessert crap above. And so many parents “award” their kids behaviors with food. Good or bad. That is so wrong.

Giving the screaming kid in the store a candy instead of taking them outside and teaching them right from wrong. Letting your kid play video games all day instead of getting outside, or at least exercising in the house. Thinking it’s OK to eat a lot of crap just because you exercise.

Health is a lifestyle. Not a perk of the moment.

Besides the fact that I am physically broken from horseback riding, I am super healthy and always have been. Exercise has always been in my life in one way or another. While I slip now and then, I eat amazing. No fast food, barely any processed foods, lots of fruit, lots of water. BUT, I have still gained weight and I am uncomfortable.

Welcome to menopausal weight gain. Ick. And it’s mostly all in my tummy. More Ick. Ok...some is in my boobs (hubby is thrilled), and in my arm pits of all places. I have fat armpits.

One of my issues is getting enough protein. After being bulimic for 6 years, I no longer like feeling full so I simply cannot eat enough food to get the protein I need to build muscle and lose fat, hence why I am now drinking protein shakes again. The one I posted in the first blog is vegan, chocolate, and has only 4 grams of sugar per serving. I need my chocolate. Like desperately need my chocolate. I can only submit to this lifestyle so much.

It really sucks that we can’t just starve our selves for a few days, pop a couple of cross-tops, and lose the weight in a week like we used to. Now we really have to work for it and work for it we will. There is no easy fix and I wish that I had known that as a kid.

You can find all the videos I workout to on my YouTube Channel.